Musings

Please bear with this post...

There comes a stage in life when you know exactly what you want. You have done retrospection and evaluation of all that has happened in the past and know what is relevant and what is futile. You know that running after concretes and symbols in this life leaves you high and dry. You have been there done that. But all good things come to an end. Still you hold on to it and when it leaves you eventually, you become sad and go in search of other symbols. Approval from peers, praise and friendship, the desire to lead, to be on top of things, all come and go. You keep wondering why all these things end. Why they are all temporary. Why cant they last.

And then you realize that they are not meant to last. They are ephemeral. Tiny specks on the fabric of time. The spotlight. Today its on you. Tomorrow it will be on somebody else. Then you will go in search of other spotlights, bask in the glory, again forgetting that it is temporary and in the process hurting yourself. Then you blame the entire world for making the spotlight temporary. Why is it not lasting?

But if you think a little deeper you will realize. That you shouldn’t run after concretes and symbols. Go for the abstract, delve deeper into your heart and find out what it is that you are after. Beyond the concrete, beyond the symbols. There is a very good analogy. In the Marketing class that day, the professor said something that was very illuminating. It still rings in my years: Think beyond the product, think not what product to design, think what is the customer need, how can you satisfy the customer’s need. Go beyond the concrete ie the product, look at the customer need, the abstract and then map and create the concrete. Don’t get too overwhelmed or attached to the concrete that you lose sight of the abstract.

The English language is a very poor method of conveying one’s thoughts. You can quote anything out of context, read between the lines, dot the i’s and dash the t’s. This is also a result of focusing too much on the concrete rather than on the abstract. I am not saying this is done all the time but that it is possible. When it is done deliberately then it cannot be pardoned. When it is done with ignorance then it is immaturity.

I have now stopped running after symbols, after people, grades, recognition, praise, a specific job, the spotlight, rewards, I have stopped being passionate about the concretes in life. I have stopped being a fanatic. I don’t feel strongly about anything concrete anymore. But I am diehard passionate about the abstracts. I am not passionate about people, but I am passionate about love and friendship, and about striking a chord. I am not passionate about grades but I am a fanatic when it comes to gaining knowledge and finding out how the world works. I am not passionate about a specific job but really passsionate about my career. I don’t want the spotlight anymore but am more focused on my contribution when I am under a spotlight. Low grades, lost people, a job rejection, temporary spotlights will still continue to pain me, but that’s because I have still not fully come out of the concrete (and after all I am flesh and blood). The metal is still being formed and each blow is forming it harder and one day I am sure I will stop connecting, like a throbbing vein which was clipped, clots and the pain eases. Or will I?